Retarded story

"Get out of bed you miserable lump of atoms!"  The girl shouted, bouncing up and down on the wooden floor. She was as bouncy as ever, but she kind of had a right to be.

"Ugh… What do you want?" I muttered, rolling so my back was towards her.

"GET UP!!!!!!" She shouted even louder.

Why would I want to get up? It was 9:30 in the morning, my hair was a mess, I'd gotten to sleep around 3 in the morning, and I was tired. Was there any point in getting up? I thought no, but my annoyingly hyper friend thought differently.

"ASH!!!!!!" She squealed, shaking me until I finally threw off my blankets and sat up. I hugged my knees and sat there in the middle of my bed. I just sat there with the most annoyed look on my face.

"What. Do. You. Want?" I grumbled.

"Awww, has Mrs. Grumpy pants forgotten what day it is?" She poked my side with her two index fingers. I couldn't be angry anymore. After all, how could I when it was her birthday? I was mean, but I wasn't heartless. If that makes any sense.

"Yeah," I laughed, "happy birthday you 'miserable lump of atoms,'" I shout back at her with a wink.

"That's so mean~~~!!" she whined, throwing herself onto my bed.

I laughed, "Aria, you're such a dumbass."

She rolled onto her back, her brown hair sprawling out behind her. She met my laughing gaze with a cold intent glare. I couldn't help but feel a bit intimidated by her. I smiled nervously and rubbed the back of my licorice red hair. Her stare was evil at times.

But wait… Why was I scared of her?

"Well anyway," her mindless babbling snapped me into reality. "It's my birthday, what do you have planned for me?" She sat up, holding onto her feat.

"I was thinking you could go make yourself breakfast than watch tv until I felt like getting out of bed. Then we could watch more tv and eat chips," I threw myself back under the blankets.

She was not pleased by my actions. "UGH YOU'RE SO ANNOYING!!!" she flailed. She suddenly stopped, "Well fine," She jumped off my bed, "if that's how you wanna play this than I'm calling Germany. He'll kick some sense into you."

"Fuck he will not," I muttered into the red pillow.

Aria sighed, "Yeah you're probably right…. Oh well," she skipped off down the stairs.

I suddenly jumped out of bed. I ran for my door, swinging it open, before I propelled myself down the stairs, tackling Aria to the carpeted floor. She whined, calling me a number of names before I pushed myself off.

I rubbed my head as she yelled at me, calling me names in German, none of which I understood. So I pulled the joke, "she's foreign, just nod." And that's what I did. Aria crossed her arms and pursed her lips, making me laugh. She was incredibly annoying.

"Oh, don't call Germany. That'll ruin EVERYTHING I planned out in my sick imagination," I stood up and brushed my mismatched pjs off.

Her eyes went wide. From what? I wasn't sure, but I still laughed at her. She slapped my knee before pouting like a 3 year old who was just told they couldn't have a cookie until after dinner.

"There there," I consoled, patting her head. "Just wait till 11, and then everything will fall into place."

"But that's such a long time away from now~~~!!!" she groaned, falling backwards.

"Get over it." I patted her head again before stalking up the stairs.

Not one minute later I was down in the living room again, all dressed and ready to go. Without answering Aria's question as to wear I was going, I left, slamming the door behind me. Of course I couldn't tell her where I was going. Geez, from what I could hear from inside the house I was walked down the sidewalk, she acted as if I had just told her I was pregnant and her boyfriend was at fault.

Of course that would never happen…. I mean seriously, me and her boyfriend didn't get along that well. Why??? Well he thought I was always too mean to my baby sister, but I didn't care. Nope. Not one bit. I was told from a very wise person *me* that that's what sisters are for.

Eleven o'clock, right on schedule, I walked into the house to find Aria sitting on the floor playing more video games. She'd finished this one like five times already, but that didn't stop her from staring starry eyed at the cut scene that popped up.

"Really, Aria?" I asked, throwing my sweatshirt onto my chair.

"Yes~" She smirked, hugging her legs.

"Oh, I brought you a present," I pointed to the tall man standing behind me.

Aria turned around and smiled. She jumped up into the air and almost flew into him. God she acted as if she hadn't seen Russia in ten years.

I rolled my eyes and plopped onto the couch.

"What are you still doing here~~" Aria cooed at me.

I raised an eyebrow. Ten seconds later:

"OH GOD, ARIA!"

She giggled, "Yes. Now go away."

I sighed, "Fine, I'll go stop by Germany's house. Maybe he'll be nice enough to let me bug him for an hour or too," I grabbed my Ipod and left the house.

I really didn't want to know what those two weirdos were doing. I really really really didn't. But I knew. I knew Aria well enough to know what she was doing. I shuddered as I walked out to my Jeep. I really hadn't any clue as I why my sick brain had to clue me in. Sometimes I swear it had a mind of its own, either that or it was just my even sicker need to do it myself. Oh well, I could wait longer than that brunette could.

I prided myself on that. Smiling, I sat in the driver's seat and plugged in my Ipod. I shook the retarded little blue thing and waited for whatever song popped on. I shrugged as I listened to it, backing out of the drive way.

Nope, Germany was in no mood to see this red head. I sighed as he reluctantly let me into his apartment after I told him my heart wrenching story of how Aria kicked me out of my own house so she could get laid.

He wasn't happy that I was there. It was "cleaning day" whatever the hell that was, but he let me in as no one could resist me. Hell I could even get free dinners at fancy restaurants if I played it right. That was on occasion, Germany hated when I did it because it "embarrassed him." Whatever.

"Just sit on the couch and don't get in my way," Germany mumbled to me as he fixed his blonde bangs.

"Such a stingy meanie~" I sighed as I reached for the remote.

"NO," he grabbed it away from me.

"Right, I forgot you want to clean in silence. You're such an asshole you know? I mean I knew you liked guys too, but really??"

That earned me a smack on the head and banishment to the dinning room.

"Stay there until you've learned your lesson," Germany ordered. I half expected him to suddenly have an apron on and a spoon in his hand. It'd make sense if you think about it.

"Yes, Mom," I grumbled and laid my forehead on the table.

He smacked my head again before he left. I pouted.

Yay he came back after an HOUR OF DOING NOTHING. I'll get over it.

"I'm back," He said, sitting across from me. He placed his hand on mine.

"What do you want, meanie~" I said into the table. I hadn't moved since he left.

"To say sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, just caught me at a bad time," He confessed.

I giggled, "Sooooooo unlike you, Mr. Germany," I smiled.

"I know. But I'm done cleaning now. You think Aria will let you back in?"

"Well she'd better, I'm getting bored," I mumbled.

"Alright. Let's go then," he stood up.

I didn't. He looked at me as if I'd just suddenly turned mutant.

"What….?" He asked.

"Carry me!" I held my arms out.

Germany sighed and did so. He lifted me into his arms bridal style and carried me down to the parking lot.

Once home, I unlocked the door and opened it. I walked in and had my eyes covered by Germany. Hello?? I saw it already. That aside, he kept my eyes covered.

"I thought you hated sushi!" I shouted.

Aria shrugged, "Yeah, but everything's so much better from Russia."

"I'd smack myself, but Germany's in my way," I pointed out before I scooted from his grasp and slid upstairs.

An hour later, not a minute sooner, Aria burst into my room. Of course she was disappointed in me to see that I was watching tv with Germany, not raping him as she was always bugging me to do. I shrugged it off as the brunette just being retarded, which was not strange.

"I cannot believe you would pass this moment up!!" Aria screeched at me, jumping on the bed. What exactly was she whining about? Oh nothing except I had my hot boyfriend sitting next to me in shorts and a tank top.

"Leave me be," I waved her off and leaned forward onto my knees.

She was silent for a moment before she perked up again, her eyes shining at me.

I stared at her, "What do you want?"

"Did you get me anything else for my birthday!?!?!" she shouted, almost knocking me over as she lunged forward.

"Yes she did," Germany answered for me as I was just kind of stunned.

"What???" Aria looked up at Germany.

He didn't answer, just shut off the TV and left the room.

"Look what you've done now!" I scowled playfully as I pushed her off the bed. I leaped off the bed and took off running, barely making it to hop onto the blonde's back. He grumbled but didn't object as he held me up.

Aria was a little less then shocked when she saw her "present." Truth is I didn't actually buy this lump of animal for her, I just kind of found it and decided it'd be great. I mean come on, who doesn't like llamas?

Well Aria did. I told her its name was Cheese while she was busy bounding up and down. Cheese didn't like that. He wasn't a mean llama, just….yeah he was mean. But he wasn't smart either. He was angry at Aria but somehow it blamed me, ramming itself into me before trotting off like a little bastard.

Aria immediately ran to my side, dropping to her knees. I didn't respond to her constant prodding.

"NO! ASH!" She shouted. "You shall not have died in vain!" she shouted to the sky with her fists held high.

"I'm not dead you dumbass," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"Oh…" she dropped her fists. "YOU SHALL NOT HAVE BEEN MORTALLY WOUNDED IN VAIN!"

"Not mortally wounded."

"YOU SHALL NOT HAVE BEEN HURT IN VAIN!"

"Not hurt."

"YOU SHALL NOT HAVE BEEN SCARRED IN VAIN!"

"Not scarred."

She paused then screamed at the sky again, "YOU SHALL NOT HAVE BEEN SCRATCHED IN VAIN!"

"Aria, I'm perfectly fine!" I sat up.

"OH…" her eyes were wide, her finger resting on her chin.

"I cannot believe you," I stood up and brushed some imaginary dust off my pants.

"Sorry for being worried…" she pretended to cry.

I sighed, "Why don't you go shag Russia again or something?"

"I don't wanna!" She whined. "I wanna hang out with you guys!"

"Count me out," Germany rolled his eyes. It's not like he could leave since we brought my jeep, not his dumb car.

"Fine fine fine," I gave in.

3 hours later, we were STILL playing Monopoly. I didn't even know a game could go on that long, but it wasn't helping that Aria couldn't count on a high, so her being banker just annoyed us all. Well not Russia, I don't think anything annoys him…except me of course, but if that didn't happen, what kind of a person would I be?

A great one he thinks. But only I could get Aria a great birthday without spending a dime .

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Me: YAY IT'S DONE.
Germany: Bisexual?
Me: Yes, it means you like girls and guys.
Germany: I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!
Aria: I'm so confused.
Me: I know you are. You always are.
Aria: Sushi?
Me: Yes. MY MIND IS SLEEP DEPRIVED.
Aria: that explains it.
Russia: kol kol.
Me: GAAAAH HE SAID IT AGAIN *dies*
Germany: feel free to review this crap while we try to revive her.